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Mogwai4111
07-08-11, 08:51 PM
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe, idiot, BREATHE!

talyon
07-08-11, 08:54 PM
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I don't know any more knock knock jokes. Lol

trenae
07-08-11, 08:57 PM
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

kooky panda
07-08-11, 09:17 PM
How do you make a Kleenex dance???


You put a little boogie in it.

trenae
07-08-11, 09:28 PM
^^^^ ewwww... lol

cityerror
07-08-11, 10:09 PM
why did the chicken cross the road?
"to get to the otherside"
no, to get to your house.


knock knock.
"who's there?"
the chicken.

badger8
07-08-11, 10:14 PM
Which one doesn't belong...
1. Crab
2. Lobster
3. Salmon
4. A Chinese guy run over by a steamroller

...the salmon. The other three are crustaceans.

greygull
07-08-11, 10:38 PM
These two guys walk into a bar...


The third one ducks

Mogwai4111
07-08-11, 11:15 PM
Which one doesn't belong...
1. Crab
2. Lobster
3. Salmon
4. A Chinese guy run over by a steamroller

...the salmon. The other three are crustaceans.

I laughed.

hectorloch
07-09-11, 12:12 AM
Frappe, frappe
Qui est la ?
Losta
Losta qui ?
Yes.

crbirdie
07-11-11, 11:22 PM
P1:knock,knock

P2:who's there?

P1:my panther

P2:my panther who?

P3:my panther falling down

kooky panda
07-14-11, 10:14 AM
What has two knees and swims under the sea????



A 2-KNEE-FISH






(tuna fish)

xokay
07-14-11, 10:27 AM
Q:What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A: A roamin' Catholic

:D

Phthon
07-14-11, 12:45 PM
Q: How do you catch a Unique Rabbit?

A: You 'neak up on him.

xokay
07-14-11, 01:04 PM
Which one doesn't belong...
1. Crab
2. Lobster
3. Salmon
4. A Chinese guy run over by a steamroller

...the salmon. The other three are crustaceans.

AhAHAHahAhAHAHAh

kooky panda
07-14-11, 01:12 PM
What do you get when you cross two elephants and a fish????




swimming trunks

kooky panda
07-14-11, 01:13 PM
Why do giraffes have such long necks?





Because their feet smell bad.

Mogwai4111
07-22-11, 09:15 PM
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Owls.

Owls who?

They sure do.

trenae
07-22-11, 09:22 PM
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"HEBREWS"

gobblies
07-22-11, 09:33 PM
Hahahahahahhahahaha!

Im suprised GM has not presented himself in this thread yet!

cityerror
07-22-11, 09:46 PM
a man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "you should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, " you are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and i can just wait for my coffee."

wife replies, "no you should do it, and besides it is in the bible that the man should do the coffee."

husband replies, " i can't believe that, show me."

so she fetched the bible, and opened the new testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says:

"hebrews"

.



xD

xokay
07-22-11, 11:19 PM
Two peanuts go to a bar. One was assaulted. :D

casadolce
07-22-11, 11:52 PM
How do you make a dead baby float?

A glass of soda water and two scoops of baby.

badger8
07-23-11, 05:17 AM
Ok. I know it's Saturday, but oh well...

A blonde, a brunette and a red-head robbed a bank. As they were escaping, the police started to follow, so they ran down and alley and happened upon some potato sacks, and jumped in them. As the police came by, they poked the sack where the brunette hid. ((poke-poke)). The brunette said "meow!" and the cops moved on. They next came upon the sack with the red-head. ((poke-poke)). The red-head said "arf arf!". They moved on to where the blonde was hiding. ((poke-poke)) and the blonde said " PO-TA-TOES".

dragonfruit39
07-23-11, 09:54 AM
Lol ^^^ that's funny ! Blondes ! XD ok heres my joke !
Tom tells Jim " hey Jim ! " Jim says " what ? " Tom says " will you remember me in a year ? " Jim says " yes " Tom says " will you remember me in a month ? " Jim says " yes ... " Tom says " will you remember me in a week ? " Jim says " yeah " Tom says " will you remember me in a day ? " Jim says " Uhhuh ! " Tom says " will you remember me in a minute ? " Jim says " of course ! " Tom says " will you remember me in a second ? " Jim says " YES !!! " Tom says " Knock Knock ! " Jim says " Whos there ? " Tom says " dude , you ALREADY FORGOT ME !!!

swiep07
07-29-11, 06:16 AM
Q: How to make a cat bark?
A: Throw some gasoline over it, light a fire, WOOF!




(No animals are really harmed in this friday bad joke.... :D )

xokay
07-29-11, 08:21 AM
What's the difference between a man and a battery?

A battery has a positive side.

;) Hehe

talyon
07-29-11, 10:05 AM
Q. What do u call a man with no arms and no legs who floats in the ocean?
A. Bob.

sterlingempire
07-29-11, 05:27 PM
Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

Mogwai4111
08-12-11, 07:58 PM
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?


It was in tents.


http://i55.tinypic.com/282m537.jpg

bawpotter
08-13-11, 06:55 PM
I got a good one for next week...

Mogwai4111
08-13-11, 07:12 PM
Darn it, now I can't wait for next week :mad:

JennyWuzHere
08-15-11, 04:15 PM
Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?

So he wouldn't drown in the hot chocolate Silly!!

sterlingempire
08-15-11, 06:18 PM
Some of these are hysterical!! My eyes are watering!

badger8
08-19-11, 07:50 AM
A guy runs into a bar, sits down on the bar stool, and says quickly to the bartender,"Give me 6 shots and make it quick!"
The bartender asks why the hurry.
The guy says, "if you had what I have you'd be in a hurry too!"
So the bartender lines up the glasses. The guy starts slamming them down.
A patron also sitting at the bar asks "why are you in such a hurry?!"
The guy says again, "if you had what I have, you'd be in a hurry too!"
So the bartender finally says, "OK I gotta know...what do you have??"
The guy says, "about 25 cents" and runs out the door.

bawpotter
08-19-11, 12:58 PM
Okay, this is a good one. There is a manager and a clerk, and a narrator.

N: The clerk worked at a fruit shop, and was not very bright. A customer walks into the shop.
Customer: "Are these peaches good?"
Clerk: "Well, DUHHHHHHH!"
N: The customer leaves and the manager walks in.
Manager: "Don't say duhhhhh! Say, 'Yes, Yes, Yes!'
N: The manager walks out and a customer comes in.
Customer: "How much do these peaches cost?"
Clerk: "Yes, Yes, Yes!"
N: The customer walks out and the manager comes in.
Manager: "Don't say 'Yes, Yes, Yes!', say 'Twenty-five cents!'
N:The manager walks out and a customer comes in.
Customer: "Are these peaches fresh?"
Clerk: "Twenty-Five cents!"
N:The customer walks out and the manager comes in.
Manager: "Don't say 'Twenty-Five cents!', say "Fresh, Fresh, Fresh!"
N:The manager walks out and a customer comes in.
Customer: "Should I buy these peaches?"
Clerk: "Fresh, Fresh, Fresh!"
N:The customer walks out and the manager comes in.
Manager: "Don't say 'Fresh, Fresh, Fresh!', say 'If you don't, somebody else will!"
N: The manager walks out and a ROBBER comes in.
Robber: "Is there money in that cash register?"
Clerk: "Yes, Yes, Yes!"
Robber: "How much?"
Clerk: "Twenty-Five cents!"
Robber: "Are you being fresh with me?"
Clerk: "Fresh, Fresh, Fresh!"
Robber: "Should I shoot you?"
Clerk: "If you don't, somebody else will!"
N: That was the end of the clerk.

The end, I hope you enjoyed!

MrsShrek
08-20-11, 03:27 AM
Q: Where does a dog go if his tail falls off?
A: To a Retail Store.

bawpotter
08-21-11, 01:20 PM
I have another one for next week!

I like that dog one though.